Today's devotion (2/15/07) Matthew 16:24-25

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." Matthew 16:24-25, NIV

I'm going to go about this one a little differently... I need to share a story with you.

I'm going to be a little transparent here... I've been feeling really alienated from people for the last couple of months. Between a couple of ventures taking different paths for me and health concerns I have been dealing with, I've been pretty "home-bound" and cut-off from people. I've gone from being too busy to eat lunch some days, to having enough time on my hands to ponder my purpose. I've felt stifled, lonely, frustrated, worried and all of that in combination with the health issues. I have not been in a good place-- and that has led to self-pity and worry.

Last week at church, we sat a couple of rows up from our normal spot-- the sanctuary was pretty full and I almost sat in one row, but then moved up to the next at the last second for some reason. As our pastor gave the sermon, I found my mind wondering and the worries and pity made me restless sitting there. I looked at the pocket in the chair in front of me, which usually holds pens, tissues, etc, and there were two small books tucked into the pocket. One was this little book:
It is a small book of 40 letters written by an Archbishop under Louis the Fourteenth-- he wrote them to a group of Christians who served in the court of the king and needed encouragement. I know-- that doesn't sound very exciting, but bear with me.

What spoke to me was the title-- in bold, big letters, "LET GO". When I turned the book over, in bold red letters, "ARE YOU STRUGGLING?"... um, yeah... I am! So, I felt like maybe the book was planted for me-- and then, I noticed the small words at the bottom, "To get peace and real joy"... two things that have definitely been lacking in my life. The book ended up being a book from the library of books available to be borrowed from the church, so I brought it home to use as my devotional, having high hopes it would speak to me... and maybe it will to you, too...

And this is where this devotional writing picks up...

Today's "letter" is on "the death of self"... and this is what I feel I need to share with you... first, he writes about the pain involved with God removing the parts of us that are still in the way-- the parts we cling to. For me, this is work-- my accomplishments, and being busy with them. I have been in pain over the loss of that and so I know God is working to help me release that tight grip I hold on my earthly accomplishments. It's not that we are to not enjoy what we do or even strive for excellence in our endeavors, but when it gets in the way of what God has planned for us, it needs to be removed. And, according to this book, it is a painful process that we should be thankful for because God seeks to reach us-- and that is a blessing. This is what I have been going through and I see that now. Secondly, in this letter, he says that he realizes how confined the reader is, but "I am convinced that God means to accomplish His work in you by cutting off every human resource". WOW-- how many times have I felt alone and like I had no one to lean on over the past several months-- and now I am learning I have been seeking the wrong thing. It's not that God wants me to feel alone or to feel cut off from others, but He knows me and He knows that I depend on people more than Him sometimes, and He wants me to hear Him and seek to lean on Him. I am not alone, He wants to spend time with me. WOW, how humbling is that! The author goes on to say that God has great plans for me and He wants me to understand what will be accomplished is through Him and no one else. Wow, again! How many times have I gotten that one wrong?!

So, all of that to share with you... if you, too feel alone or like you're just floating, waiting for what is to come... if you feel like there have been losses, struggles or pain that you just cannot seem to come through, maybe God has something greater in store. Maybe He just wants to spend some time with you with no distractions-- to prepare you-- to get you to the place He wants you to be. Before that can happen, you have to be willing to suffer losing some of the things you cling to-- even accept it as a blessing-- and in the process of losing your life, you will find it.